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Alumna’s book seeks to bridge romantic divide |
| By
Cynthia Nowak |
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Apr 4, 2008 |
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“I’m not sure if I wrote a history book or a religious book or a self-help psychology book,” Darla M. Turner said.
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| UT alumna Darla Turner holds a copy of her book, Delayed But Not Denied. |
How about all three? Her 2007 book,
Delayed But Not Denied, examines a dilemma familiar to many African-American women: Does having a college education make it harder to find solid and satisfying relationships with African-American men?
“The book came out of a class assignment at UT,” said Turner, an elementary teacher with Toledo Public Schools who earned three degrees at the University. “I wanted to know if there was a connection between higher education and relationships. It’s a subject often discussed in private circles, but when I began to look for scholarly research, there was hardly any out there.”
The research she found, however, shed a good deal of light on the subject from another angle. A 1993 book by Leanor Johnson and Robert Staples,
Black Families at the Crossroads: Challenges and Prospects, for instance, traces the history of the black American family and how slavery affected it from the earliest years of colonization.
Although the first black men and women arrived in Jamestown in 1619 as indentured servants, slavery solidified the role of the black woman as the center of the family. As Turner noted of Johnson's and Staples’ research, “The slave woman was responsible for multiple tasks, from raising the children to giving her offspring permission to marry, hence giving the control in the family to the mother instead of the slave father.”
And whereas many ancient African cultures gave considerable power and influence to women, patriarchy was the general rule. All that changed with slavery as practiced in North America, Turner wrote in her book: “Research has suggested that [the male slave] was stripped of all his paternal, sociological and economic functions in the family … the very etiquette of plantation life deprived him of the honorific attributes of fatherhood.”
History, yes — but it still complicates relationships almost 400 years later, Turner said: “Slavery may be behind the negative stereotypes African-American men and women hold of each other. This contributes to the lack of intimate relationships that lead to marriage.”
To test what she was finding, Turner recruited seven college-educated African-American women to share their feelings. “This part of the book is an exploration of singlehood and the meaning of love from the participants’ standpoints,” Turner said. “It also describes their ‘wish lists’ for love and candid, moving descriptions of African-American men’s reactions to the participants’ college education.”
The results, Turner said, surprised her in at least one area. “I expected participants to say they desired someone who was college-educated, but all placed more emphasis on high spiritual values, strong work ethic and excellent communication skills.
“That’s not to say they didn’t want someone intelligent!” she added.
“Not all the women I spoke to wanted marriage, but they all believed that someone was out there for them, even if they had not yet met. They believed in remaining hopeful.
“That’s the message I wanted to leave for all women who wonder, ‘Is there someone out there for me?’ Even though the desired relationship may be delayed, there is hope. It all depends on your faith.”
Turner, whose own Christian faith flows strongly through what she calls her “keep the faith” book — carried in the UT Bookstore and the downtown gift shop of the Toledo-Lucas County Public Library — noted that she’s received overwhelmingly positive feedback from readers. “All the women — black, Caucasian, Asian — who’ve read the book told me they were helped. And some men, too! They thanked me for helping them understand women better.
“It’s great that the book has touched so many people. I wrote it out of asking the same questions myself, so it was very therapeutic for me.” She’s close to launching another book:
Investing in Ourselves: What Every African-American Woman and Those Who Seek to Understand Her Should Know.
Not content with authorship alone, she’s also at the helm of Miracles & Blessings Publishing Co., which she founded in 2003. “I always wanted to own my own business and I’ve always wanted to write,” she said. “I’m looking for inspirational or uplifting titles, or books about issues that are rarely addressed.”
Authors can contact her at dmturner1970@yahoo.com.
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